Contributor: Kay Gideon
“The Lord is with you, o valiant warrior.” Judges 6:12
You may know the story of Gideon in the Bible. But here is my story.
My parents were divorced when I was 3 years old, and my father was not involved in our lives other than to pay child support. My mother went on to marry again and divorce. She was left with 5 children. Life was hard for me as a child. I was the eldest of 5 and was required to take on the mother role with my siblings, as my mom often was at work or out. We were living in poverty, in a rough neighborhood, and often without food. My mom was overwhelmed with the circumstances, and was often angry and abusive.
I was molested by an intruder when I was thirteen. I was so afraid of my mother that I could not tell her. It was such a lonely time of my life. I came home from school every day to care for my siblings; therefore I could not be involved in normal childhood fun. I had no friends, since we moved often, and I trusted no one. So often I cried out for my daddy to rescue me in my tears and pain. Later on I would learn that it was Jesus who comforted me.
Once I got out on my own, I could not manage my life. The loneliness, and grief, and lack of social skills were overbearing. I turned to sin. All of the things I hated became my best friends. I did not even love myself, and I was looking for the love and nurture I never received growing up. I tried to fill the hole of loneliness and grief with unhealthy relationships, and I masked the pain with drugs and alcohol. I sought attention with anyone who would give it to me, if only I would be accepted. This only perpetuated the cycle of addiction, looking for love, failure, back to pain and addiction.
It was Jesus who came to me in my lost state at the age of 25 and whispered love and affection to me. “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me”. As I sang these words at my great grandmother’s funeral, Jesus removed the veil of hopelessness from my eyes, and revealed to me his love, mercy, and forgiveness in Him. He accepted me. I was no longer an orphan, and my Heavenly Daddy had seen and heard all of my cries and rescued me from darkness.
It has been a long journey of healing. I can now say without regret that it is good that I was afflicted, for you see, the pain and suffering that He has carried me through has lead me to Him. I have learned that life on this earth is not always easy, and that there will be suffering along the way, yet my God is faithful, and He is good all the time. He is my strength in weakness, and He has shown me that He has been with me all along. I know that nothing can separate me from His love, and He will never leave me nor forsake me. I am His beloved, and I now have hope and a future.
Yes, my name is Gideon. This is my maiden name, I mean, my earthly father’s last name. A name given, yet from a father never known. But my Abba Daddy…had a plan.